Photo: Ambro at freedigitalphotos.net
It’s news to no one that high school has become a pressure cooker for a lot of our high-performing students in the area’s prestigious public and private schools. Anxiety about the college process is starting earlier than ever, and it’s no longer unusual for even a sophomore to be taking advanced placement courses. There are more high-stakes tests than ever before: CAPT testing, the SAT, the ACT, AP tests, and SAT-II Subject Tests.
These developments have been hardest on those students who care the most about doing well in school, who strive to do their best work on every assignment, and who unfortunately are too often disappointed in their own efforts. These smart students tend to compare their own work to the masters they read in school, and they will throw away or delete almost-finished papers the night before they are due, or never start in the first place, because their own high expectations for themselves are just too overwhelming. High expectations are a good thing until they get to the point where they are taking too much of a toll. There are too many students out there today who are having anxiety attacks, staying up half the night, embroiling the entire family in a twice-weekly crisis, or even physically harming themselves. Without intervention, these students often end up needing to take a leave of absence from school for either medical or emotional reasons.
Kids who have these issues often require the help of a good psychologist or psychotherapist, and many are lucky enough to get such help because adolescent psychotherapists abound in Connecticut. Unfortunately, few parents in our area have heard of educational therapy or realize that their child could also really benefit from a relationship with a good educational therapist.
What can I do for your anxious, perfectionist son or daughter? First and foremost, I will give her the support of a therapeutic relationship with a trusted adult who has achieved at a high level academically but is never going to grade her and is not her mom or dad. This itself is a great relief. I can help her learn ways to work more efficiently without sacrificing quality, and help her hone weak skills so that she will feel more confident in her abilities. I can teach her proven methods for reducing anxiety. Finally, our sessions can provide a safety net where she can bring her most anxiety-producing assignment each week and get help and support.